Sometimes you wake up and you literally want to hit snooze on your alarm clock, stay in bed all day, eat comfort food, watch the notebook or Love and Basketball or some other rom-com that will bring on the water works and just try again the following day; today is one of those days. My eyes feel swollen, my throat still feels like it has a lump in it and my neck hurts, probably from the position I found myself in this morning. I was on my sofa, TV turned off and covered in a blanket that normally lives in my bedroom. I took the fur blanket off my legs, fumbled into my hallway and rummaged through my bag in search of my phone which was alarming louder and louder by the second, I had a number of missed calls and a few text messages from Nathaniel, but it was too early to be checking in with anybody, least of all him. I turned off my alarm and then fumbled my way back into the living room. I switched on the radio and started to undress, I was still in my work clothes from last night. I stripped down to just my knickers and Bra, that surprisingly were not matching, note to self must throw away all odd underwear! I actually remember trying to do this a few months back when I had a big clear out, but couldn’t throw them away, it was like all of my odd knickers and bras were some type of metaphoric symbol of my current life status, all single, once paired un-matched items on the rubbish heap; so I decided to keep them… I’ll do it next month, I’m too sensitive at the moment. I turned on the radio and slumped back into my sofa I was still in shock by last night’s shenanigans, how this man can justify his unannounced declaration of love is beyond me, more importantly why the hell did I entertain it. I sat there trying to figure out when I became so weak, I hoped that when you got into your thirties things and decisions become a lot easier, clearly not. I don’t even remember how the conversation ended or when he left, I must have fallen asleep mid conversation. I honestly don’t know what I thought would happen when Ii started talking with Nathaniel again. It’s obvious that we still have a connection and issues between us are clearly unresolved; however this was verging on ridiculous, I need to put an end to it, somehow.After finishing off the bottle of Moscato, an hour of rationalising my conflicted views and half a packet of cinema size sweet and salt popcorn, not my usual breakfast, I was finally at a place to face my reality and accept my truth, I Gesnay King still had feelings for my bastard of a cheating ‘Ex’ err correction, married cheating Ex, Nathaniel Grant. So with that thought, I decided to take myself and my new found awareness to the gym and then do my shopping for the following week, there was nothing I could do right now to change how I felt, furthermore I have no more energy to explore it.
I took too long to get out the house and I was no longer in the mood for the gym, all I could think was this guy has totally screwed with my mind and I was now allowing him to mess up the better part of my day. I was thinking about doing a detox in the week, I might as well go to Sainsbury’s and buy only what I need for my detox. I had noticed in the week that my stomach was starting to rest on my lap when I sat down, ok slight exaggeration however I could be sitting down hold a bit of fat in my hand, stand up and still hold the same bit of fat in my hand. That’s more than enough for me, and I knew the culprit was my Friday night date life with popcorn, wine and American trash TV, not that I’m calling Scandal trash; but I needed to get the fat under control so I’ll have one more cheat day and veto my Friday nights in, for a gym class and go on a wine fast.
My Local Sainsbury’s had again changed around the products on each isle again which left me completely disorientated, I mean what’s the point? I literally spent more time figuring out where things were and less time actually shopping. Last week I would of found cereals on isle twenty four at the other end of the supermarket, now the cereals are in isle sixteen in the middle, opposite bread on the same isle as the eggs like it was some kind of flipping theme. as I stood there completely confused at this point when in my peripheral a good looking man passed the isle who also looked familiar… I began to think that I need to settle down with someone I’m totally compatible with, no more tine wasters, someone I can respect, someone who wants children, someone who… ‘Mr Fine’ from the train, I alarmed, I literally gasped, it couldn’t be? Not here… why on earth would he be at this supermarket? I’ve never seen him here before. I was about to B-line in his direction to take a closer look but remembered that I looked a hot mess. I was crossing all my fingers and toes this morning praying I wouldn’t bump into anyone I knew, I should have included people I didn’t ’t know, namely ‘hot men’ or more specifically Mr Fine; I really should have stayed in my bed, this was not the day to be seen.
I continued shopping with much trepidation and finally found the wine isle, after my last 24 hours I needed to treat myself to a really nice bottle of wine especially as it would be the last for a long time. I wanted a change so decided to go for the sauvignon Blanc instead of my usual Rose or Moscato, the bottle I wanted was on the top shelf, as I was readying myself to stretch to the top shelf a manly arm reached over my head for the bottle, I was slightly startled but before I could turn around the deepest of voices hit the back of my neck, I lie not, it actually made me feel weak. The stranger put his other hand very politely on the small of my back as he reached for the bottle with the other and said “I’ll get it for you”. All I could think was Shit, Shit, Shit, I knew it…. Shit!. I literally froze, “why Jesus, why? Why today? why today?” my eyes look like golf balls, I have bed hair and a dam tracksuit on, WHY? This day couldn’t get any worse. I eventually turned around, still on tippy toes and greeted his fineness with a smile the best one I could muster up at this point; it was all I could offer. He smiled back and said “Cameron, I recognise you from the train and you look like you needed my help.” He handed me the bottle of wine and I thanked him, after what seemed like an eternity of just staring at him. I looked at his trolley then his ring finger, still no ring and he seemed to be shopping for one. “So this is your local?” I finally asked, he replied with, “No, I’m just stalking you,” he cracked a smile and said he was joking, which was a bit of relief, I have encountered too many crazy men in my life. He was more handsome close up and he smelt like cocoa butter and a Calvin Kline fragrance I loved but couldn’t remember the name of he had my whole attention. He went on to tell me that he had recently relocated because of work and that he was in finance, banking more specifically. My mobile started to ring so I excused myself to take a look at who was calling me. It was Nathaniel! I switched the phone to silent and continued my conversation. We ended up exchanging numbers, he said it was best, as I no longer needed to flirt with him on the train, maybe I have a bit of luck on my side after all.
#Mr Fine #Newbeginings.